just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
