Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
