She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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