He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
40s are totally the cure
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
