I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
