rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
