Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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