You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
