he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think people are normalizing furries
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
