i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
