i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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