my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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