and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
