I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
