I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
