i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
