i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
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