i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
