I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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