He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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