what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
