I think i peed on brittanys purse
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
