Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
