They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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