hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
