Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
