Need sex. Gaining weight.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
