"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize