My underwear smells like fireworks.
operation have a gay friend backfired
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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