Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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