I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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