Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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