So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
