you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
