Don't you send me to vm
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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