dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
