Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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