And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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