i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Its about making memories worth repressing
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
