What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think your dad took our porno
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
