I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
