I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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