Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
