so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
