i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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