Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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