dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
