Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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