Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Of course I have a pirate flag
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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