I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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