Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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