Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
