Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
