i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
