I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
