can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I touched a dick in church today
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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