i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
