I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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