his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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