I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
