Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
