Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
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I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
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A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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