Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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