The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
