Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
that is very illegal...i love you.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize