I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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